Vannin' Home Forums General Discussion Off Topic Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread

Friendship between women: A woman doesn’t come home one night. The next day she tells her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The husband calls his wife's 10 best friends. None of them know anything about it.

Friendship between men: A man doesn’t come home one night. The next day he tells his wife that he had slept over at a friend’s house. The wife calls her husband's 10 best men friends. Eight of them confirm that he had slept over, and two claim that he was still there.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Teacher: What does your father do for a living? Student: He is a magician.

Teacher: what is his favorite event.

Student: He cuts people in two.

Teacher: How many brothers and sisters do you have?

Student: One half-brother and one half-sister....

.......

That's great Bob!

There were three idiots who were in another country and they didn't know the language.

So they decided that they would go to the local village and they would each learn one new phrase.

So they went to the village, and the first idiot was watching a girl sing, "Me,me,me,me,me!!" So that was the first idiot's phrase.

The second idiot saw a street vender who was selling silverware and who was saying "Forks and knifes." And that was the second idiot's phrase.

The third idiot went to a park and saw a boy saying, "Swing me first!" And that was the third idiot's phrase.

The three idiots met back and were about to tell each other their new phrases when a policeman ran up and said, "There has been a murder. Who did it?"

The idiots decided to use their new phrases, so the first one said, "Me,me,me,me,me!"

The policeman said, "What was the murder weapon?" The second idiot said, "Forks and knifes."

The policeman said, "Y'all are going to have to hang for this." The third idiot said, "Swing me first!"

A guy goes into a bar and orders seven shots of tequila and one beer chaser.

The bartender lines up seven shots and goes to get the beer.

When he comes back with the beer only moments later, all seven shots were gone.

The bartender says, "Wow! You sure drank those fast."

The guy explains, :You'd drink fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender asks, "What do you have?"

The guy reaches into his pocket and says, "Fifty cents!"

I spent $5,000 on a boob job for the wife. She was delighted.

I spent another $2,000 on a nose job for her. She was ecstatic.

I spent $2,000 on liposuction for her and she couldn't thank me enough.

But I spend 50 bucks on a blowjob for myself and she goes f**king nuts! Women, I can't figure them out.