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Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #716836 November 18th 2016 10:57 pm
Joined: Nov 2013
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pooh-bah
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pooh-bah
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Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, “Danger! Beware of Dog” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

-------------------------------------------

Once over the hill, I started to pick up speed!

-------------------------------------------

Texting acronyms can stump even the best of moms:

Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.

Son: Why is that funny?

Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?

Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.

Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.

Mom: WTF!

Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?

Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?

Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.

Mom: Okay, I will ask your sister.

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #717368 December 02nd 2016 10:36 pm
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pooh-bah
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Call the NRA!

I had just received my concealed weapon permit in the mail, so I went over to my local Bass Pro Shop to purchase a small 9mm handgun. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me".

Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.

I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They really need to make instructions to seniors a bit clearer.

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #717369 December 02nd 2016 10:58 pm
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Thats some funny stuff there ..... I can just see a senior doing just that.

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #717372 December 03rd 2016 8:45 am
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Got that right lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet.
Club Vannerz.
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #717684 December 14th 2016 2:49 am
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stranger
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LOL!! Interesting thread!!

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #718672 January 11th 2017 9:22 pm
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pooh-bah
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A man went to New York on a business trip. When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man's expense, so he asked, "My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?"

The passenger had no idea. The driver replied, "The third one was ME!"

The man went home to his wife and said to her, "Hey honey, here's a riddle for you. My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third one?"

His wife was stumped and said, "I don't know, who?"

The man responded, "Believe it or not, some cab driver in New York."

--------------------

Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul, a banker, says to Morty, "Listen, Morty, I should probably tell you, I don't swim so well."

Morty, who worked as a lifeguard when he was younger, begins tugging and pulling on Saul, helping him float towards shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks, "Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"

Saul looks at Morty and then replies, "This is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"

---------------


A small boy is sent to bed by his mother. Five minutes later, "Mom."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later] "Mom."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can I please have a glass of water?"

"I told you no! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"

[Five minutes later] "Mom!"

"WHAT?!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?"

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #718840 January 16th 2017 5:06 pm
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Likes: 32
pooh-bah
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The water went away and Noah threw open the doors and told the animals to go forth and multiply. As the animals left, two snakes stopped by Noah and said, "We can't do that."

"Do what?" said Noah.

"Multiply," said the snakes.

"Why not?" asked Noah.

"Because we're Adders," said the snakes.

-----------------------------------

I have decided to RETIRE and live off my savings...

Though I'm not sure what I will use the second week...

Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #718848 January 16th 2017 5:53 pm
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Old Timer
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lol


Jim & Lucy Newkirk
1965 Chevy Bad Influence
1981 Chevy-the Love Shack
2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van
2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet.
Club Vannerz.
vanninvanner@comcast.net
Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread
GhostRyder #719034 January 21st 2017 7:13 pm
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 420
addict
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One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says. "Sure" the clerk replies. "Mind if I ask what it's for?" "My parakeet, "the man said. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so beautifully he is sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will surely kill the poor thing!" "No they won't," says the customer. "Listen, buddy, I'll bet you twenty bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on" said the customer. Two days later the man walks back in the store and very sheepishly lays $20 on the counter. "So the paint killed him?" asked the clerk. "Indirectly," the man said. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but I think the sanding between coats did him in."

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