Good day by lukester - March 28th 2024 12:26 pm
| Crazy mods by MufflerMan Mike - March 28th 2024 9:38 am
| | Lew Greger by MufflerMan Mike - March 27th 2024 5:15 pm
| | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | Upon entering a little country store, a stranger noticed a sign reading, “Danger! Beware of Dog” posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”
“Yep, that’s him,” he replied. The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”
“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”
-------------------------------------------
Once over the hill, I started to pick up speed!
-------------------------------------------
Texting acronyms can stump even the best of moms:
Mom: Your great-aunt just passed away. LOL.
Son: Why is that funny?
Mom: It’s not funny, David! What do you mean?
Son: Mom, LOL means Laughing Out Loud.
Mom: I thought it meant Lots of Love. I have to call everyone back.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Daughter: I got an A in Chemistry.
Mom: WTF!
Daughter: Mom, what do you think WTF means?
Mom: Well That’s Fantastic.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Mom: What do IDK, LY & TTYL mean?
Son: I don’t know, love you, talk to you later.
Mom: Okay, I will ask your sister. | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | Call the NRA!
I had just received my concealed weapon permit in the mail, so I went over to my local Bass Pro Shop to purchase a small 9mm handgun. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me".
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader.
I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They really need to make instructions to seniors a bit clearer. | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | Joined: Jun 2010 Posts: 18,286 Likes: 559 | Thats some funny stuff there ..... I can just see a senior doing just that. | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 | Got that right
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Dec 2016 Posts: 4 stranger | stranger Joined: Dec 2016 Posts: 4 | LOL!! Interesting thread!! | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | A man went to New York on a business trip. When the trip was over, he took a cab to get to the airport. The cab driver decided to have a little fun at the man's expense, so he asked, "My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third?"
The passenger had no idea. The driver replied, "The third one was ME!"
The man went home to his wife and said to her, "Hey honey, here's a riddle for you. My mother had three kids, one was my brother, one was my sister, who was the third one?"
His wife was stumped and said, "I don't know, who?"
The man responded, "Believe it or not, some cab driver in New York."
--------------------
Morty and Saul are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul, a banker, says to Morty, "Listen, Morty, I should probably tell you, I don't swim so well."
Morty, who worked as a lifeguard when he was younger, begins tugging and pulling on Saul, helping him float towards shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks, "Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?"
Saul looks at Morty and then replies, "This is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"
---------------
A small boy is sent to bed by his mother. Five minutes later, "Mom."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later] "Mom."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can I please have a glass of water?"
"I told you no! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!"
[Five minutes later] "Mom!"
"WHAT?!"
"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a glass of water?" | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 pooh-bah | pooh-bah Joined: Nov 2013 Posts: 3,692 Likes: 32 | The water went away and Noah threw open the doors and told the animals to go forth and multiply. As the animals left, two snakes stopped by Noah and said, "We can't do that."
"Do what?" said Noah.
"Multiply," said the snakes.
"Why not?" asked Noah.
"Because we're Adders," said the snakes.
-----------------------------------
I have decided to RETIRE and live off my savings...
Though I'm not sure what I will use the second week... | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 Old Timer | Old Timer Joined: Feb 2002 Posts: 32,696 Likes: 172 |
Jim & Lucy Newkirk 1965 Chevy Bad Influence 1981 Chevy-the Love Shack 2012 Chevy Van , 2020 chevy van 2020 Chevy van Sapphire Sweet. Club Vannerz. vanninvanner@comcast.net | | | Re: Dr. Bob's Jokes Thread | Joined: Apr 2012 Posts: 420 addict | addict Joined: Apr 2012 Posts: 420 | One day a man strolled in to the paint section of a hardware store and walked up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary colored paint," he says. "Sure" the clerk replies. "Mind if I ask what it's for?" "My parakeet, "the man said. "See, I want to enter him in a canary contest. He sings so beautifully he is sure to win." "Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals in the paint will surely kill the poor thing!" "No they won't," says the customer. "Listen, buddy, I'll bet you twenty bucks your parakeet dies if you try to paint him." "You're on" said the customer. Two days later the man walks back in the store and very sheepishly lays $20 on the counter. "So the paint killed him?" asked the clerk. "Indirectly," the man said. "He seemed to handle the paint okay, but I think the sanding between coats did him in." | | |
0 members (),
17
guests, and
6
robots. | Key: Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod | | Forums68 Topics35,746 Posts537,916 Members12,725 | Most Online177 May 8th, 2013 | | | |